What Happens When You Stay in Love?
When we fall in love, our hearts flutter, our minds race, and our palms sweat. It’s a whirlwind of emotion that can leave us feeling high, sad, and completely irrational. Whether it’s a passionate, euphoric rush or a painfully longing desire, these feelings are all rooted in the same thing: the brain chemical dopamine.
While scientists disagree on the definition of “love,” researchers do agree that it is a complex emotional experience with multiple components. Some believe that love is a primary emotion like happiness or anger, while others see it as a secondary emotion formed from a combination of primary emotions.
When you first fall in love, key brain regions light up like a city skyline at night and your body releases the hormone dopamine, which triggers our reward system. It also causes you to crave the person you’re in love with, and it is why some people can become addicted to someone they are in love with.
As the relationship progresses, your chemistry shifts, and the highs of passion can be replaced by lows of jealousy and yearning. The ventral tegmental area of the brain, which is associated with focus and cravings, floods with dopamine when you think about your loved one. You find their quirks endearing, you want to be near them, and you can’t stop thinking about them. This is all triggered by an influx of dopamine, but also other chemicals that are known to cause mood changes, including norepinephrine and serotonin, which are involved in memory and concentration.
During this time, your empathy grows with your fast-growing attachment to your partner. You’re ready to help them through tough times, and you want to be there for them. But if they cheat on you, abandon you, or hurt you in some way, it can cause you to reassess your priorities and make decisions that can have serious consequences for both of you.
While we tend to think of love as something that comes and goes, some researchers are exploring what happens when we stay with someone for a longer period of time. These relationships can be the foundation for lasting friendships and family connections, but they require commitment, trust, and mutual respect. If you’re in a committed relationship, take the time to listen and show genuine interest in their lives, dreams, and experiences. Ask thoughtful questions and remember details so that you can deepen your connection. You can also help to build trust by slowing down your sharing and assessing whether or not you feel safe to open up with this person.