What Is Love?

For millennia philosophers, prophets and poets have debated and theorized about love: what it is and how to cultivate it. Scientists, however, have been less comfortable studying it explicitly. Only in recent decades have scholars become more comfortable describing the emotional experiences of loving and being loved, and using scientific methods to study those feelings. The result has been a wide variety of views on what love is, and how to describe it in terms that can be measured and analyzed.

Love is a deeply complicated emotion that varies in its intensity, depth, and duration. It can range from lust and attraction to attachment, affection, and loyalty. It can include the euphoria of romantic passion to the frustration and pain of jealousy. Love may be the elation of watching your child take her first steps, or the gratification you feel when someone you love gives you their undivided attention. Love can be the joy of sharing a meal with the people you love, or the serenity of quiet walks or long phone calls. It can be the sense of connection you feel with family, or the excitement of sharing a new adventure with a friend.

When we fall in love, key brain regions light up, especially the ventral tegmental area and nucleus accumbens. These areas of the brain trigger the reward system, flooding us with dopamine and creating that feeling of euphoria and addiction to another person. It’s why it is so difficult to stop thinking about your love, and why you can’t help but think about them all the time.

While research and disagreement provide a variety of definitions of love, one thing is clear: it’s a complex emotion that is not easily described or understood. And that’s probably a good thing. The complexities of love make it more likely that you’ll find true love — the kind of relationship that satisfies all your heart’s desires and brings you the happiness you deserve.

The best way to discover what love means for you is to start by finding someone who makes you happy, and whom you can trust. That person will understand you and appreciate your quirks, will share your joys and struggles, and be willing to walk through the darkest times with you. And, when you’re together, they’ll give you their full attention, without interruption or distraction, and will genuinely want to spend time with you.

This kind of loving requires a commitment to both the other person and to yourself, and a belief that you deserve the best in life. So, if you’re ready to take the plunge and fall in love with someone who will see you for the wonderful, flawed human being that you are, be prepared for an amazing ride that can lead to everything from deep friendships to life-long marriages. You’re worth it!